Alone
by nutmeig
Summary: What would have happen if the wolves didn't show up as quickly when Laurent was in the meadow with Bella? What if they were just a few precious seconds later? And what if the voice Bella heard wasn't a hallucination?  New Moon AU.
1. Alone

Chapter 1

The meadow, _his_ meadow. Why did I want to inflict upon myself the pain of actually coming back here? I must be a masochist. This is where my relationship with Edward began, where the decision of love or blood was made.

It was beautiful, breathtaking as before, but it lacked…_him_. In the back of my mind I hoped that he would be here, waiting for me. Like the last few months had been a test to see if I could find him, to prove my love and eternal devotion to him. The meadow was empty, save me.

The tears flowed, blocking my vision. I kneeled on the ground letting the agony consume me. The only reassurance I had was that I found his meadow without Jacob. How would I have explained myself to him, I would have hurt him just as I was hurting myself. But I couldn't bring myself to leave, not just yet.

I found courage that I was alone. I needed to move on and here and now is where I would do it. Let _him_ go like _he_ let go of me. But would that really be possible? To let _him_…Edward, go without something still burning for him? He is my love, the love of my life; I could feel that deep down inside that there could be no other who could make me feel whole. He didn't want to be my love, to make me whole. So I needed to let go in the hopes that I could feel somewhat whole one day.

My sobs were lessening. I was starting to breathe easier and more even. I could do this. I could let go and move on. Besides, mythical creatures could not be held onto forever, especially when the mythical creature in question was the perfect man. At least I was able to hold on to him for a few months, that's more than most can say.

I needed to let go. Needed to let go of the life I had envisioned for myself. An eternity with him, living as a beautiful immortal with our family and the love of my life at my side. I needed to release it all. This is what caused me so much pain. The life that I had planned ended three days after my birthday, and this was the place to finally let go of it.

I had goals and visions of what my life should be like before I came to Forks, I needed to go back to them, to get back on track. I could do this. I will move on. I will be happy again …one day.

My tears had stopped flowing, it was time to go. The sun was creeping lower in the sky and I needed to go before I was missed. But first I needed to say good-bye. I stood up and walked to where some sun was shining through the clouds, touching the grass below. I closed my eyes, facing up to the sun and breathed. "Edward," I said aloud for my own benefit. "I have loved you since almost the first moment I saw you and I still… love you." My voice was wavering, but this is something I needed to do. Needed to say, perhaps hoping that it will carry on the wind for him to know.

"I knew I could never keep you with me forever, but I had you for six wonderful months," the tears were starting to cascade down my cheeks. I whispered the rest, "I will move on, I will love again, even though I could never feel half as much love for anyone else as I will always have for you." I stood in silence listening to the wind and the sounds of the forest. The clouds covered the sun and I opened my eyes. I felt…not content, but better than I had.

As I was turning to leave I noticed someone standing at the edge of the meadow, staring at me. He had a small smirk playing across his lips, as if he knew something I didn't. He had dark hair and pale white skin, paler then mine. A vampire, a vampire I had seen before almost a year ago. Laurent.

"Laurent?" I asked.

"Bella, correct?" he asked with a knowing smile. "I thought you might have moved on from this area."

I gave him a puzzled look. Why would he think that?

"I stopped by the Cullen's house you see," answering my confusion, "I smelled that no one had been there for several months, I thought they would have taken you with them. Weren't you like a pet to them?" He seemed pleased to see me, but something didn't feel right. Why was he here?

"Something like that," call me a pet or a distraction it all meant the same in the end. "What brought you here Laurent? I thought you were in Alaska." I felt the need to run, run from him, but I couldn't place why. He stepped closer, and then I understood why my subconscious was screaming for me to run. Red eyes. Red eyes from human blood, Laurent was not a vegetarian and I was mere feet from him, in a secluded forest, a forest that nobody knew I was in.

Try as I might, fear spread across my face. "I was in Alaska, for a time, but why should I deny my nature?" He took a deep breath, savoring my scent like a wine connoisseur with a cork. I took a step back, my mind racing to find an escape where none existed. Here in the place where I first learned how strong, and how fast vampires were was the place that I was going to die.

Laurent started to circle me, looking me up and down. "I actually came here looking for you."

"Me?" I squeaked, my throat incredibly dry.

Laurent leered at me, "Yes. Victoria, I'm sure you remember her, had been interested in finding you. She feels a bit sore about what happened in Phoenix. She thinks that the best way to repay, what was his name? Edward?" I didn't answer; no answer could save me now. "Yes, Edward. Well, the best way to repay Edward would be to kill you. A mate for a mate." Laurent stopped in front of me and gently touched my hair.

I closed my eyes and a tear escaped. "I'm not his mate." I said unevenly, I opened my eyes looking into his terrifying red ones. "I never was. I was, just as you said, a pet."

He continued on like I never said anything. "Victoria wanted to kill you herself. She told me how she wanted to hear you scream for hours. How she hoped your Edward would be there to watch." He seemed to like this idea of me suffering and of Edward being there to witness it. "But here we are, alone." He touched my hair again, moving it away from my neck and moving his head closer. I stiffened, knowing there was nothing I could do. "I was hunting when I came across your scent, then I heard your beautiful words to Edward. They were touching, really. If I ever see him again I'll give him your regards."

Fate must be laughing at me. I came here a year ago under similar conditions. No one knew I was here then except for one vampire, and again I'm here with one vampire. But this time I would not make it out alive.

Why in this moment of real danger do my hallucinations disappear? Did coming here and deciding to move on make his velvety voice do the same? If this was going to be the last few moments of my life then I wanted to hear his voice, to imagine that he wants me, loves me.

_Run Bella!_

That voice, Edward's voice.

_Run, please! Save yourself!_

Without thinking I spun around and ran towards the path I came from. A fruitless effort, but a dying one. I managed two steps and he flew in front of me, grinning. I took a step back and tried again. Whatever direction I tried he moved in front of me, toying with me like a cat with a mouse. After a dozen attempts at escape Laurent became impatient. He griped my waist with his left arm and tilted my head with his right. In another setting this could seem romantic, but here it was terrifying.

_Beg!_

Again his voice sung to me. "Please! I…I don't want to die…" This isn't how it was supposed to be!

"Humm… Do you know how many times I have heard that?" He paused, like he was hoping that I would actually answer that. "Do you know how many survived after saying it?" Laurent leaned in closer to my ear and whispered, "None."

I closed my eyes waiting for the pain, for death to claim me.

_Edward! I love you!_ I screamed in my mind.

"Victoria will be disappointed but I'll tell her I didn't know it was you till after I was done. No harm done, she wants you dead and dead you will be."

_Bella, scream!_

Scream? How could that help me now? But I did as my imagined Edward told me; I let out the loudest scream my dry throat could allow. Then I felt Laurent teeth pierce my skin, my voice went up another octave.

_No!_

Edward's beautiful voice was like an angel's to my ears. I tried to concentrate on the sound as the pain intensified. Perhaps I will pass out soon from the loss of blood, I hoped for it. I wanted the pain to stop. I felt Laurent's cold arms release me and I fell hard to the ground. Did that mean I will die soon? This isn't what I heard would happen. My life didn't pass before my eyes; I saw no tunnel with a light at the end. But there is a voice…_Edward?_

"Bella! Bella, no!" this voice sounded pained, could it be his? Someone held my hand and I looked, it was Jacob.

"Jacob…" I wanted to ask him why he was here but I couldn't manage the energy. My neck started to burn. It was hot, too hot! "It burns! …No!" I reached to my neck, scratching, trying desperately to make it stop.

"Bella! Bella," with my screams I could barely hear him, "what do I… How… what can I do?" I looked into his eyes. Tears filled his anguished face. "Do you know what's…happening?"

How could I not? I felt this before, vampire venom. I grabbed Jacob's hand and ran his fingers over my crescent scar on my right hand. "Ven…Venom…change." I tried to explain through the pain.

Jacob's jaw held slack in shock as he stared at my hand, his eyes turned to me full or fury. "Did _he_ do this to you! How do you make it stop?"

It was easy to know who Jacob meant when he said 'he.' "No… he sucked…it out," I didn't know if Jacob heard what I said. The burning had moved to my chest, if felt like lava. I let out a new batch of screams that I had managed to hold back to talk. Why was this happening to me? I wanted this once, but that was because Edward loved me or so I thought. What would I do now? The pain is so intense that maybe I'll die before it ends. I felt burning hot arms lift me up, I felt like I was flying. The pain grew and consumed me.

Black.


	2. Hallucination

Chapter 2

"No!" I yelled out. My hallucination of Bella disappeared. I looked around the small room I was renting, breathing heavily from the fear. That can't happen to my Bella! Why was I even this far away from her? I'm dangerous to her, but how do I know she's safe unless I'm there? Victoria is a threat, yes, but there are so many others of my kind to worry about and the numerous other things that Bella is bound to attract. Maybe I should go to her?

_No!_

I could just watch from afar, make sure she's safe, that no threats are around. That could work. I'll keep my distance… I could just look at her from my tree outside her bedroom window. Could I do just that? Can I keep my distance and not touch her?

I untangled myself from the ball I had crawled into and paced around the room. I would be more effective in keeping Bella safe if I was closer, if I knew what things were threatening her safety. She would never know I was there. No one will, well, except Alice.

I continued to pace about thinking over everything a dozen different times at a dozen different angles. If I was going to do this I needed to prepare myself for what I will see. I'll keep in the background. I'll just make sure she's happy, Bella deserves to be happy. But what if she isn't happy? What if she wants me? I know it could not be so, I crushed her when I left, crushed her to save her_….Oh god I hope she wants me._

I grabbed my bag, shoved my stuff in and dialed the airport.

* * *

It took over 30 hours to reach Seattle. I was in a hurry; despite the fact that I know there was no reason. I know what I would find. Bella would be safe and happy…happy without me.

I had run to my house in Forks from Seattle. I told myself it was to keep people from realizing that I was here but really, deep down, I was afraid to see Bella happy, without me. So running added a few hours before I had to face that reality.

I was in Esme's garden, cutting the best red roses. Now, I know I said I wasn't going to do anything more then look at her…. But… she might, maybe Bella still wanted me. I gathered the two dozen red roses, removed their thorns and tied them with a blue ribbon I found in Alice's room. Perfect!

I took off towards Bella's house. As I neared I smelled something I had not in many years. _Werewolves!_ I sped up, not wanting one of those filthy, dangerous creatures anywhere near Bella. The scent continued around her house. I climbed up my tree. Bella's truck wasn't in the driveway; I focused on Charlie's thoughts. He sounded concerned, panicked even. Charlie was dialing the kitchen phone, "Billy?..." _Billy Black?_ I wondered,

"Have your boys found anything?"

_"Sam just came in and said they found Bella's truck out at the end of one-ten."_

"…Was there ….any signs of …her?"

_One-ten?_ Why would she have driven out there…unless it was to see my… our meadow? I saw in Charlie's mind an image of Sam Uley carrying Bella out of the forest, he was wondering if she had gotten lost again. _Again?_

_"Nothing yet. Do you want me to call the station to report her truck or would you like to?"_

Charlie cleared his throat, "I'll do it. Thanks Billy." Charlie hung up the phone and dialed the police station. As he dialed I crawled into Bella's room. Her beautiful scent overcame me. How I have missed this. Bella's room looked the same; I sat on her bed and listened to Charlie on the phone. From the conversation I gathered that Bella had been missing for almost two days. She had told no one where she was going but guessing by the location of her truck she had gone out hiking, alone. Alone, even thou her father had told her not to because of recent bear attacks.

The knowledge that there were werewolves close to her house unnerved me. The connection to Billy Black and his "_boys_" made me suspicious.

I moved off the bed and to the lose floorboard that I had placed her tokens from me. Lifted it and placed the two dozen red roses inside. I ran through the house, faster than Charlie could see, to determine if any wolves had been inside in the last few days. Noticing nothing out of place I hopped out Bella's window and ran to my meadow.

What could it mean that Bella was missing and there are werewolves again in Forks? Why didn't anyone see this coming?_ Alice!_ Why didn't I think of it before? I reached for my phone and turned it on. I had gotten in the habit of keeping it off so I could be left to wallow in my own misery in peace. Before I could even dial, Alice called. "Alice, where is she?" I pleaded.

"Well, if you had left your phone on you would have known about this the moment you booked a ticked to Seattle."

I was becoming impatient, "Alice!" I growled.

"Okay. I looked for her after I saw you were headed to Forks. It's too late Edward. Bella is in the middle of the change, she will be one of us now." A bit of triumph in her voice.

I stopped dead in my tracks. _One of us?_ The image of red eyed Bella from Alice's vision from a year ago flashed before me. _That can't be! I left so that wouldn't happen!_

"…Edward?"

"Do you know where she is?"

"She keeps coming in and out, but for the most part I keep seeing her in a forest, alone. "

I started running towards my meadow again, "What do you mean she keeps coming in and out, Alice?" Annoyed that Alice's vision couldn't be more precise.

"I have no idea. I'll see her one moment and the next, nothing, like she has no future, only for her to reappear some time later. We'll figure it out soon enough, Jasper and I will be landing in Seattle in an hour."

I arrived at the clearing in the forest as I ended the call. I could smell Bella's scent-altered from the bite, the horrible smell of the wolves and, was it, Laurent? The hallucination of Bella being bitten by Laurent only two days ago emerged. Was it possible that I was seeing what was happening? If that was so was it possible that the other hallucinations I had where Bella was in danger were real also? Or is this just a coincident?

I felt the ground were Bella's scent was the strongest, there was blood on the ground. This is where it happened, but where is she? She couldn't have gotten very far on her own. Did Laurent move her? The small trace of ash on the ground would suggest that he never made it out of the meadow. Why would he have purposefully turned her? From my 'hallucination' he wanted Bella as a meal not a companion.

_The wolves!_ Would they have taken her? I stood up and ran, following the filthy odor of the wolves back to the treaty line. They couldn't have taken her over the line. Would they? I ran a few miles back and forth around the boarder. Should I go in and get her? It would be suicidal for me, there are five dogs now. I couldn't handle five.

"Dogs!" I shouted to the Quileute line. "Where is Bella? Where did you mongrels take her?" I growled in frustration. Why did she have to be at the one place on the planet that I was not permitted to enter? "Agghh…." I kicked a tree and it fell towards the Quileute's side.

I continued to run around the boarder shouting for the dogs to bring me Bella before I heard Alice and Jasper approach.

_Edward? What's happening?_ Alice metal voice asked.

"I'm thinking of crossing the line that's what!" I replied as I picked up a large rock and hurled it ten yards into a tree on the wolves' side.

Alice took me into a strong hug. _She'll be okay_. "I've missed you." Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder and I felt calm and tranquil.

"I've missed you too, thank you," looking at Alice, then Jasper.

Alice pulled back and wrinkled her nose, looking at Jasper I realize he had the same look. "What is that smell?"


	3. Not Goodbye

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 3

Pain. More than ones imagination could possibly imagine. There are no words to describe to the one tenth of a degree how much pain was consuming me. All my senses were shot; I had no idea if I was still screaming or if my ramblings were just internal.

It felt like an eternity of pain. At first I reminded myself over and over that it would be three days. Only three days, but I knew that it had been much longer than that, much, much longer. I tried to distract myself, counting the voices I heard, the words, footsteps… anything that could possibly lessen my focus on the pain.

I had finally accepted the fact that the pain would never end. That I was dead. In hell, paying for my sins. What sins I wasn't sure, who could wrong someone enough or committed such crimes against God that they would have to go through this kind of torment as penance? But then it started to subside, gradually. Starting with my fingers and toes.

My heart rate accelerated, a burning hot hand touched my forehead then my hand. Just when I thought that my heart couldn't beat any faster it stopped. My heart stopped? My pain…I don't feel any pain. I opened my eyes. It was dark; the stars were shining through the tree tops. There were more of them then I had ever seen in my life. The forest was alive with activity, so many sounds. I took a deep breath.

Danger!

I jumped up into a crouching position. The burning hot hand held tighter to me, I let out a growl as I focused on the tan man holding me. His eyes were beseeching me, searching my eyes.

"Bells?" I growled louder, "Bells, you have to be in there somewhere. Please!" He looked so sad. I took another breath. Didn't this man know that there was some sort of danger around? That smell!

Whoever this man was I felt like I needed to warn him, like he was important to me. "Jacob?" I whispered.

"Oh Bells! I was so worried! You remember, you're still you!" He moved to hug me and I yanked my hand from his burning hot skin and moved away.

The danger scent was less now that I was away from Jacob. Why would Jacob make me feel that way? I shouldn't feel apprehensive around him. I trusted Jacob, but now. "Jacob, what's going on?" My voice sounded so sweet but my throat burned. I touched my throat with my right hand. Was this what I had heard about? Was I thirsty?

"That…vampire bit you!" He was shaking, what was going on! "You told me you knew what was happening… you're a … one of …them…"

"I thought you didn't believe in… that stuff."

"I do now." He looked into my eyes, sadness filled his face. "You remember how I didn't feel well after the movie?"

I concentrated, thinking through foggy memories. "Yeah, we both got what Mike had."

"No… Remember the ledged I told you about the Cullen's'?" I nodded, "Of course you do," He spat, looking angry again. I couldn't suppress a growl when he started shaking again. "Remember the other part about my tribe being descendants from wolves? Wolf-men?"

"Werewolf." Was it even possible for there to be so many magical creatures in the world! "God Jake! Where are the other mythical creatures at? Is Bigfoot going to walk into the clearing at any moment?"

Jacob sighed, "I know."

"A year ago I didn't know anything about… vampires. And now I'm…. And you're a werewolf! Is that why you stayed away from me? Because I willingly hung around vampires? Was I tainted to you Jake?"

"No! No, Bells! I wanted to go see you! But Sam told me I couldn't, that I was too dangerous to be around you."

"And now? Are you too dangerous now?"

"I think we are both too dangerous for each other." Jake looked so sad. He sighed and looked up at the night sky. "I tried to save you Bells! If I was a few moments earlier… I tried to get the venom out. I tried to suck the bad blood out. But I couldn't, then I tried some natural remedies for poisonous snake and spider bites…" His voice wavered, holding such sorrow in his eyes.

"Thank you…" It was so much new information to process that if I still had my human brain I might have passed out on overload. "Jake how… Why did you save me? Where are we?" Noticing that this is not the meadow I was attacked in.

"Well after you were…bit. I took you to my house while the others took care of that leech to try to stop the venom." Jake took in a breath and sighed. "Sam and the others didn't take to that too well, having a blood…" I wasn't sure what Jake stopped himself from saying but I was sure it had something to do with me now being a vampire. "They thought you were dangerous and wanted to… get… rid of you. I wouldn't let them. I already suspected that it would come to that so I had prepared for a quick escape before the pack showed up," gesturing towards the backpack. "So I took you and ran. Honestly I don't know why they let me go, I mean, there are four of them and I know I didn't outrun them since I was carrying you!" I watched Jake's face, noticing that though he tried to hide it he was hurting. "Somehow I managed to get you here, the Olympic National Forest."

"Thank you, I'm more trouble then I'm worth." I didn't deserve his kindness.

Jake shifted his feet in the grass to face me better. Staring deep into my eyes he gently rubbed my cheek with his right hand and slipped his left hand into my right. "I wish I could stay with you Bells, I had to break off from the pack… before, but I have to go back to my people. I have to…" he tenderly whispered. "If I had told you what I was, if I had figured out a way to tell you! Then you would not have been in the woods and this would never have happened!"

"No, it would have. Laurent said Victoria was already after me. And I suspect she likes to play with her food, just like her dead mate James." I shuddered at the memory of meeting Victoria and the brutality of her mate.

Jake's eyes gleamed with excitement and concern. "The red head? The red head is after you? Why?"

"A mate for a mate." I whispered. I wasn't sure if Jake heard my reply, but his face fell.

"Oh… I didn't know you were… that serious." His voice strained, his body shaking slightly.

"It's not like that, anymore. He's gone. I was only the human toy for the immortal to play with." I gave a small laugh. Was I now the immortal playing with Jake, my human toy? I looked down at our joined hands. He was so warm, it felt so right but now I could never have him. I shifter my eyes back to Jake's.

"He killed the red heads mate?" He stated rather then asked.

"Remember when I went to Phoenix?" he nodded. "I went there to try to escape James, Victoria's mate. It was a game to him, to catch the weak human that seven, strong vampires were protecting. " I took in an unnecessary breath. "He eventually got me alone." I raised our joined hands and rubbed where the crescent shaped scar still remained with my left hand.

I found that I had so much room now that I could think through the new information and realize that I really needed to do something about this…thirst. "Jake, I need to hunt." I whispered. I felt a little embarrassed. Jake's eyes opened wide. "Animal blood. Only animal, Jake."

"Yeah, of course. I tied up some deer over by a lake that's 30 yards north of here." He pointed to his left. "Bells. I have a backpack of extra cloths and things. I wish I could stay with you."

"Oh, Jake. I…I'm sorry, about everything." I hesitated. The realization that this will most likely be the last time I see my best friend hit me hard. I will be alone again.

"Hey," Jake had tears streaming down his face. I had never seen him so vulnerable. "This doesn't have to be 'goodbye.' We can still be friends. In a few years… when your… better. You can come see me. Not on the Rez, but Forks."

"I will. A few years Jake, then… Will you take care of Charlie?" Poor Charlie, what will he think? I haven't been a very good daughter the last few months. I can never see him again.

"Of course. Where will you go Bells?"

Jake's question took me off guard. Where will I go? There is so much I don't know about being a vampire or life in general. Normally a newly awakened vampire has their creator to guide them, but I don't have anyone to help me. I'm alone.

But I didn't have to be. I did know where some vampires lived. Alaska and Italy. There was no way I could make it to Italy, but Alaska, I could do that.

"Alaska. There is a clan in Alaska that are like the Cullen's."

"I wish I could take you there. Oh God Bells, I wish none of this had ever happened! You'll write or call, right? I'd hate to lose you over something so stupid as mortal enemies' nonsense." I heard the small quiver in his voice and notice the slight increase in tears in his eyes.

"This isn't 'goodbye.' We'll see each other soon, one day Jake." How I wish everything could be how it was a few short days ago. If I could cry I would.

The hole in my heart that I had felt since Edward left was nothing compared to this. While he was my whole world, the love of my life I now am dead and everyone I ever knew has been taken from me. I could never return to see my friends or family. While I could get away with keeping in contact with Jake, I'm now immortal and will lose him eventually. The only people I could keep in contact with for eternity from my now gone human life abandon me because of one drop of blood.

"I know Bells. I'll miss you." His voice was so low, human ears wouldn't have picked it up.

I wished that I could hold him and never let go. I wish I could give him everything he ever wanted from me. I wished that I wasn't so broken to reciprocate his feelings when it was possible to do so. I kissed two fingers on my right hand and touched his lips with my fingers where my lips had touched.

Without another moment's hesitation I grabbed the backpack Jake made for me, "Goodbye Jake," and ran.

I ran towards the deer he had acquired. Smelling the blood pushed the unpleasant thoughts of not seeing Jake again away. I wasn't sure how to hunt so I decided to just do what felt right and not over think it. The deer's smelled… good, warm and berry-like. As I ran to the closest one I jumped and bit down on its neck. It screamed and tried to kick me off. I didn't even know that deer's made sounds! The warm blood tasted exquisite down my burning throat. I jumped on the next and then the last. I stood up and was shocked to see the dead animals. I looked down at my clothes, they had blood on them. Three days ago I would have felt woozy, but now it made me… thirsty.

I ran and jumped into the forest lake to rid my clothing of blood. I expected it to be ice cold; instead it was only slightly colder than my new skin. This life was going to take a bit to get used to.

After a few moments of floating in the still lake admiring the millions of stars I took off my shirt and rubbed at the blood that remained. There was just a bit left by the right collar. This must be my own blood. I stood in the waist high water gazing at the last remaining trace of my humanity.

My eyes tingled as my dry sobs took over me. Why did this happen to me? Why? What do I do with myself now? I can never go back to Forks, not at least till everyone who I know is long… gone. And now I was alone. I can't survive alone, I had been alone for the last six months and I only made it for my father and then I was healing and living day by day for Jacob.

Oh Jake! Life has been so cruel. I dry sobbed for an unknown amount of time till I realized the sun was rising. I walked to the shore of the lake intend on wearing blood-free clothes.

Please leave a review, it's the only way I know if I sound like a babling 3 year old or not and motivates me to add chapters (I have several done).

Stories I suggest-

Cullenary Coupling by booksgalore

No Choice by glasscannon- so this story sort of sounds like mine (swear I started writing mine before I read this one) but goes in a totally different direction.


	4. Uncertain Existence

**Thanks to my Beta Kitty_writer **

Chapter 4: Uncertain Existence.

"What did you do when you needed to talk to the Council before?" Alice was trying to talk me out of crossing the line to look for Bella.

"We have never needed to talk to them!"

"Maybe she came out farther down the boarded. They had to know what is happening to her and would not leave her on their land." Jasper pointed out. That might be true but we were running out of time, it had been over two days since that 'vision.'

Just as I was about to disregard both of them and cross the treaty line after Bella's scent a new wave of the dogs odor appeared. The three of us growled and took defensive stances. I could hear the thoughts of four werewolves, they were annoyed that we had returned and their thoughts were full of hate.

A deep, rough voice came from behind the trees. One human with three giant wolves. "Would you really cross the treaty line for her? You abandoned her here, broken and alone. Why do you care now?" Sam Uley spat out. I growled in response, I saw in his and the wolves mind images of Bella being carried out of the woods in Sam's arms.

"Where is she?" I felt a wave of calm from Jasper.

_Temper, temper_ "Carful bloodsucker, I'm trying to be nice here." An image of Bella, neck bloody, on the ground with Jacob Black holding her flashed to his mind. "Bella was bit by a now dead leech."

"We know. We need you to give her over to us. As a newborn vampire she will be very volatile and hard to control." Alice stated, hoping to quicken the conversation.

"If I had her I would." _Actually she would be dead already_. "One of my pack members took off with her two days ago, headed east."

The four werewolves thoughts told me more. Jacob Black took Bella onto Quileute land. He took off with her, breaking off from the pack when Sam ordered him to …_dispose_ of Bella. The pack followed him past Forks, satisfied that she was far enough away and turned around. As far as they were concerned Jacob was a traitor and literally not a member of their pack despite Sam calling him one. Jacob was also in love with Bella.

I turned and nodded to Alice and Jasper to let them know I had enough information. "Thank you, we'll be on our way." Hearing their thoughts I added, "Don't worry, we are not planning on returning to Forks anytime soon."

Alice, Jasper and I agreed that the most logical place for Bella to be is in the neighboring Olympic National Forest. On our way Alice called the rest of the family to let them know the latest information. Carlisle offered to have the whole family come and help, we agreed, though Rose most likely didn't want to come-she was most likely persuaded because of Emmett.

* * *

Alice explained that she could not see our future when we were meeting the dogs, possibly explaining why she had been having a hard time seeing Bella. If one of them was with Bella that would explain Alice's inability to locate her.

Time was running out. The amount of time it takes for the change varies a bit, but most likely Bella will be awaking soon. _If she hasn't already_. If Bella was to awaken before we get there and all she had is that dog, that smell alone should set her off and attack him. _Would she be hurt? Would she care if she hurt him? If the dog was in love with Bella, how does she feel about him? Does she feel the same? Where do I stand in all of this? Does she still love me? Will she forgive me?_

* * *

It has been almost twelve hours since I awakened to his new life. My new life of thirst and foggy memories. I keep thinking over all the things Jake had told me. How he saved me; from Laurent and Jake's fellow pack members. I felt horrible that he broke off from his pack for me, turned his back on his 'family' for me. For what? We were now enemies.

I understood how Edward felt, now. I was willing to leave everything behind for him, because I was in love with him. But he wasn't in love with me. Jake was in the same position, and as much as I knew I wanted him to have stayed with me, to keep me from being alone, I could never love him the way he wanted me to. Especially now that I am a vampire.

I needed a plan. I didn't want to be a 'normal' vampire, the red eyes I saw in my reflection in the lake reminds me too much of the three nomads I encountered a year ago. I wanted to live the 'vegetarian' lifestyle. From what I could remember from conversations with various members of the Cullen's I knew being on my own as a newborn would be difficult if not imposable. Newborns are unpredictable and irrational. While I felt a bit unstable I think I could manage to avoid humans. I don't want to come too close though.

Maybe I didn't have to be alone. There is a clan of 'vegetarians' in Alaska. Denali. All I know is that Denali is a National Forest north of Anchorage. Alaska is huge they could be anywhere, but chances of running into humans would be decreased dramatically if I spent some time wondering around Alaska compared to Washington.

* * *

I spent a few more hours thinking over my options. I went through the backpack Jake and packed for me. A few pairs of T-shirts, and extra pair of jeans, a hair brush-don't know why a guy even thought about that. These must have been one of his sisters' old clothes. No extra bra or underwear. Do I need bras anymore? If I'm rock hard what would flimsy fabric do for me? Nothing. But the thought of not wearing a bra was so 1960's.

I needed to find my place in this existence of darkness. I decided then that my best bet would be to find Denali. There is so much I don't know, like if a bra does any good for me now or if I need deodorant. _And if I don't find it I'll just wonder aimlessly as a nomad._

I took off at vampire speeds. I headed north, rounding the forest lake that I had spent these past few days transforming at and started on my trip east, staying as far away from Seattle and other populated areas as I could.

* * *

Forest. This whole area of the world was pretty much solid forest. Alice's vision of Bella, red-eyed and beautiful, running through woods only comforted me in the fact that, a) Alice could see her so that meant I could see her and, b) Bella has been staying away from human population. How that was even possible for her was mind boggling.

Where would Bella go? At this point she didn't seem to have a clear destination. Maybe she had no real plan, just that she needed to get away from populated areas?

The three of us were waiting in the Seattle airport for the rest of our family to arrive. While I hated waiting around not doing anything to find my love I knew that it was better to gather a plan and the bigger our numbers the better.

"Edward, calm down. We'll find her." Jasper stated as he sent out waves of calm_. Besides she seems not likely to slaughter anyone at the rate she's at with staying away from towns._

"I know, I know." I said automatically. I was itching to get moving. Alice was kind enough to handle the rental car. Time seemed to take twice as long to pass as I waited for the rest of my family to enter the waiting area of the Seattle airport.

As we were getting into the two rental cars Alice had a vision. The whole family, who had just emerged, watched as Alice face went blank, waiting for a clue. In her mind I saw Bella approaching a highway rest stop from the woods. It was dark, and the rest stop was empty. Bella was standing in front of a large map of Alaska; her hand was placed on it looking up at where it said Denali National Forest.

"Denali!" we both whispered at the same time.

* * *

Why does Alaska have to be so huge! It's like what, the size of the continental United States? I took an un-needed breath and sighed. At least there is practically no people living here.

What I really need is a map. I thought of actually buying one, of rummaging through cars till I found one, breaking into a library late at night and goggling it, but with all of those ideas I would be near populated areas. But where else could I go to find a map?

A vague memory came to mind. I was at a rest stop with Charlie, must be when I was about eight. We were looking at a large outdoor sign that said, "Welcome to Idaho!" Underneath there was a large detailed map of the state. I barley remembered that trip; it was long and boring as we traveled to Yellowstone from Forks.

If there was a map at the entrance to one state, then surly there must be one somewhere when entering Alaska. My best bet would be to find a highway and follow it. I was grateful that I had stayed relatively close to the ocean so far. Chances are I haven't left Canada yet.

After several hours of running in thick forest I spotted an illuminated area. A rest stop? There were a few cars parked, and people wondering around. I held my breath no wanting to test my limit. I hid in the shadows of the secluded forest. I stood, motionless way into the night waiting for the rest area to become vacant.

Finally the last trucker continued on his journey. I waited a few more moments to make sure that there would be no car driving up. Satisfied, I dashed to the outdoor map. Spotting a red star with the words "You are here" at the very bottom of Alaska near a town called Juneau I traveled my eyes up. Above Anchorage I spotted it, Denali National Park & Wilderness.

No town labeled Denali. Do they live in the Park or is there a town there that simply isn't marked? I touched the words connecting me to the only people that can help me in this new and uncertain existence.

* * *

**Hi all! So I intended to add this ages ago but then my computer freaked out and wouldnt let me into Word, and to fix it I had to do some tricky things that set it back to point where I lost some reasent changes and newer documents... so pretty much I lost all my chapters beyond this. this is the last of what I have written. I know where I was going but now I'm annoyed and in no mood to rewrite and now I'm podering if I should end this in like 3 more chapters (changing what I had originally had) or should I just tred on intent on doing my original plot with the estimated 15 chapters. Please tell me your opinion. **


	5. Hasty Retreat

**AN sorry about the long wait… life and things. Well mostly it because my chapter were deleted and I haven't been motivated to 're-write' them so this is a little different then I original was going for, but it's the same in the end**

**Disclaimer- don't own, SM does**

Chapter 5 Hasty Retreat

"Tanya, there is a lone Newborn headed your way." Carlisle said into the phone the moment she answered.

"Adding to your family again, Carlisle? How long do we have?"

Carlisle looked at Alice wondering about time, Alice shrugged, unable to pinpoint when or if Bella would even make it to Denali. "Well we don't know when exactly just that she's around Juneau right now and heading north. She was attacked by Laurent who, I'm sorry to say was destroyed by werewolves that we have a treaty with. Please give Irina our condolence."

Jasper had mentioned something about Irina and Laurent when we were waiting in the airport. Hopefully they weren't a true matted couple otherwise this could cause a major complication.

"Thank you, I'll pass that along. Between me and you Laurent was always a bit too...Twitchy. What do you want to do with the Newborn? You keeping her? A new sister could be fun for us." Carlisle mind ran through the many things Tanya and her sisters would be sure to teach Bella. That in its self was enough for me to make a silent vow to keep Bella as far away from Tanya as possible, for eternity.

Carlisle gave a little chuckle at my groan. "Sorry to disappoint but we'll be keeping her. She's Edward's mate."

"Really?"

"Yes. Her name is Bella."

"Well in that case I need to teach her a few things. All the things I wanted to do to him and now never will."

At this I decided that I didn't need to hear any more. Having my father explain why my own mate was alone, attacked and now running by herself, a Newborn vampire,... My own stupid behavior too much for me to hear a third party talk about even if it was necessary.

Between Alice's visions and my build in radar we were able to make a 22 hour drive into eight. It had been an unusually sunny day, letting me know that God had not condemned me. The extra sunlight had slowed Bella down, causing her to be hesitant as to not be seen.

Emmett was behind the wheel driving like a Nascar pro. Only slowing when Alice or I told him to. Jasper was texting nomads he knew in the area. The thing about nomads and cell phones is that even if one happens to own one it's never charged. So I wasn't putting much faith in that plan.

Carlisle, Esme and Rose were following closely behind us.

"Yes!" Jasper shouted. "Peter and Charlotte are by the west coast of Alaska. They say they will keep their eyes open for a Newborn."

Alice smiled knowing ten minutes ago that Peter would text Jasper. Keeping tabs on Alice's' visions, which continued to confuse me and frustrate me to no end. Forest! Can't Alice see anything more substantial? Like us, or me, finding her. It's like Alice is only seeing what is currently happening not the future.

Alice mind was thinking along the same line. "Is that possible Alice?" The others in the car looked at us curiously.

"I don't know. I guess if Bella's not making any decisions I would only see where she is not where she's going, but she clearly is acting like she knows where she wants to go." Alice said

"Newborns are distracted easily," Jasper added.

"Bella doesn't seem to be distracted is the thing. All she's doing is running and keeping herself in the woods. There is nothing about her being curious or having any normal newborn bloodlust."

We all were quite as we thought about what Alice said.

Isn't there a freaking town called Denali? Ruining around hoping to run in a yellow eye vampire is getting annoying! There are so many new scents and things to see. It's almost like I was partially blind when I was alive, human. Things are so much clearer and detailed and I swear there is a color I never saw before.

There were many times I wished to look at something closer to stop and examine in wonder but I needed to keep moving. I didn't want the supposed uncontrollable need for human blood to find me. I kept reminding myself that I needed to find Denali so I can learn control.

Now I'm wondering in Denali National Forest looking like, I'm sure, an idiot as I zoom about. Is it really a good idea for me to seek out family of my ex? They might have heard of me and want nothing to do with me.

My ex. Everything is so foggy when I think about my life. Or past life. Did I really date a vampire? That seems ridiculous. But that does explain why I know so much about this life. Unless I'm crazy.

I stopped surrounded by trees. Yes, I must have lost my mind. Wasn't I depressed and hearing voices? Yes. Yes I was. Vampires aren't real. I'm delusional.

So if I am crazy does that mean I'm actually in Alaska? I sat leaning against a large tree. I did drink blood and I haven't slept but that could all be expanded by my insanity.

I took in a large breath. I could smell earth, pine, frost and a sweet unknown. The wind was blowing from the north moving my hair gently. I took a strand of my hair noticing the slight red hints giving my once boring brown hair a fun twist.

I can't be crazy simply because a crazy person didn't wonder if they are crazy. Right? Now I'm talking to myself. God I am crazy…

The sweet smell was getting stronger. Slight thudding sounds were coming as well. The light pounding was gradually increasing along with the sweet smell. I jumped up facing the sound.

What was that? It's almost like footsteps but there's no heartbeat. The deer's I hunted on my run here definitely had heart beats when I heard their foot falls.

Is that voices? Of course its voices I'm crazy, but it's not the one I remember hearing when I thought of myself as human.

"Irina! Irina, please! It's not her fault, leave her alone!" I jumped to my feet landing in a crouched position. Footfalls becoming louder the closer they came.

Pricing black eyes glaring into my very being. "You!" The angry unknown vampire screamed. "You will die for your part in this!"

The blond female vampire grabbed her from behind, pinning her arms. "Leave her alone Irina, she is nothing more than a child!"

Irina slammed her food hard against the blonds leg gaining her escape. She came at me tackling me to the ground.

_Bella! You are stronger than her. _

The angelic voice was back!

_Flip her over and run!_

Knowing nothing else to do I did just as the potentially delusional voice told me to. Our loud growls filled my ears as I grabbed her arms and rolled, making sure to place my foot on her stomach as I got up. Without looking back I ran as fast as I could. Barely hearing the blond as I made a hasty retreat.

"Now look what you've done!"


	6. Authers Note

Authors Note

I haven't worked on this in forever! But, I have it all outlined. I was wondering if there was anyone who would like to pick this story up, I'll give whoever the outline and they can work on it from there. I also have a few other stories that I've outlined written down that I honesty wont be writing but am willing to part with as a sort of co-author. Any Takers?

If no one's interesting I'm not planning on abandoning this story, it just might take me a few more months before I add another chapter.

~Meig


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